As a divorced dad you may spend limited amounts of time with your kids, and you want to be as positive as possible. Sometimes you can get out of balance and start showering your kids with all types of praise for every little thing, often your kids here so much of this that it becomes like white noise. Your kids know that you are their father and just based on that fact you are going to have nice things to say to them the question is do they believe what you are saying. Instead of praising your kids try affirming them. Think of words that describe your child’s positive traits and acknowledge them verbally or in writing. Some of the qualities that your child may exhibit are: ambition, cheerfulness, consideration, dependability, kindness, neatness, sensitivity, or enthusiasm. Theses are just a few, I am sure that you can come up with more. When you affirm their behavior be specific, and let them know how you feel when they display these positive qualities. It may feel weird at first but once you see the positive effect that these words have on your children it will become very natural to use them often.     

Sometimes you are so crazy about your kids that you make unrealistic statements or make promises that you know you just can’t keep, but at the time it sounds good and it keeps everyone smiling. I told my daughter Grace the other day, “Honey I would do anything for you.” As a divorced dad you want to think you would do anything, but sometimes these statement come back to haunt you. Sometimes your kids will make an unreasonable request like, asking to drive the car when they are fifteen years old, or taking a day off from school for no apparent reason. It seems as if kids remember what you said at the worst possible moment, like when you say no to a request. That’s when they respond with but dad you said you would do anything for me. Now you’re looking for a way out.

The guilt from my divorce has had me do many unreasonable things, make some very unreasonable purchases, and part with some unreasonable amounts of money. But, I did it and I think I learned something from it. No request is unreasonable as long as it passes the test of wisdom and common sense. If what your child is asking for is reasonable and after some thought it seems wise to do than go ahead and do it. I know that I will fail this test once in a while but it is always comforting to know that at least I have time to think about what was requested by one of my daughters. Divorced dads have a habit of sticking their foot in their mouth, now at least I know I can get it out gracefully.