There are laws for everything. The police and the courts do their best to enforce the laws of a town, a city, or even the country. Laws are designed to protect innocent people, and make sure that everything runs smoothly, and to keep people safe. School children learn quickly what the laws (rules) are in their school. When students break the rules of the school they are usually sent down to the vice-principal’s office to be disciplined. But, in order for rules to be effective they have to be enforced. Too often kids are given the idea that their behavior isn’t all that bad, by the school administration, or their teacher. They are given a slap on the wrist and told to go back to class. Or, they may not have to face any consequences at all. Occasionally, if a student’s behavior gets out of control and affects the safety of other kids, the police have to get involved. The rule of thumb should be that what is illegal in society is illegal in schools. If a student truly is disorderly, the police should be called and the student should be charged as a disorderly person. If a student is involved in a theft, the police should be called in and the student should be charged based upon the offense. Kids need to see the association between their behavior in school, and their behavior in society. If there is no association, a student will break rules in school because there aren’t serious consequences, and then when the student is out of school, he will break those same rules or laws because he believes he can get away with it.

One problem that is getting out of control in schools and in society today is bullying. And although many schools have anti-bullying policies and supposedly a “0 tolerance” for bullying, bullying incidents are rampant and on the rise. This is exactly why we need to have anti-bullying laws nationwide. Bullying is not illegal, and realistically it should be. The only thing that a person has to do is to look at a police blotter to find out how many incidences of domestic violence went on in the town they live in to understand why we need anti bullying laws. Do you think a grown man or woman woke up one day and decided to abuse his or her spouse or his or her children? It is behavior that has been brewing in the person’s mind for years, and it is behavior that they have been allowed to get away with for years. Violent crimes like assault with a deadly weapon, school shootings, road rage, and rape are all acts of bullying that have just been brought to a higher level.

Unfortunately, schools have soft pedaled around this problem, and do not take a hard enough stance when it comes down to imposing consequences for bullying behavior. That slap on the wrist communicates to students that what they did wasn’t so bad, and it’s worth a shot to try it again. If anti-bullying laws were created and enforced these bullies would have to deal with the police for their behavior. The student would be charged as a bully and held accountable. As mentioned before, our schools today do have policies that address the problem, but the policies are usually not enforced. Too much time is spent trying to involve parents, who could be bullies themselves. Often when parents of bullies are contacted, they become so argumentative and miserable that school guidance counselors or administrators will do anything to avoid having to confront the parents with their children’s bullying behaviors in the first place. Bullying incidents then get swept under the rug. Another common response to bullying is for parents of the bully and the victim to meet face to face to supposedly address the problem. This usually accomplishes nothing, except to make the victim or the victim’s parents feel even worse. There should be absolute laws that make bullying illegal. Nothing short of having anti-bullying laws that are enforced will do anything to reduce bullying in our schools. Only then, with the enforcement of anti-bullying laws and real consequences for breaking the laws, will this rising tide of bullying be stemmed.

Get Your Bullying Report Online Right Now!

Many years ago when my oldest daughter Sarah was about 4 years old a good friend of mine told me that girls were easier to raise than boys. I don’t have any boys and my daughter is now 17 and I am not so sure that this statement is all true. One thing I do know is that I hate to see my daughter upset. I don’t mean mildly upset, that just goes with being a teenager, but upset to the point of tears. This happened to me the other night when I was in the car with Sarah and she received a text message from one of her friends. The text message said that this friend wanted to talk to her about something. Sarah couldn’t get in touch with the girl that sent the text message so she called another one of the girls in their group of friends. She has been friends with 4 girls for about the last two years. These girls do everything together. Hang out mostly as Sarah calls it. They go to parties together, study together, drive to school together, and yes, they get into trouble once in a while together.

When Sarah called one of the girls up the girl told her that all four girls were upset with her because they were starting to view her as being selfish, and annoying. My daughter was blindsided by this information and really didn’t know what to say. She didn’t even know what they were talking about. I asked her if she thought this information was true. She told me no. I then asked her if she thought she might have a couple of blind spots and the girls were possibly seeing something in her that she just didn’t see in herself. She said no, and I must say she did a pretty convincing job backing up what she told me. The question is this; how do you as a dad offer a teenage daughter advice in situations like these? I am no expert but, I believe that I did a pretty good job of helping her based upon the outcome.

Teenage girls always seem to like to be connected to some group outside their family. Teenage boys like the connection also, but a boy’s connection is usually with some type of sports team, or club. Girls like to be connected to each other. The longer this connection lasts the greater the chance that their weaknesses will be exposed, and for sure they will start engaging in rumors, and gossiping about one another. Girls also tend to become more jealous in these relationships if a boy becomes involved in this mix, and is dating one of the girls. Once one of the girls has an opinion about someone else in their group they will bend over backward to try and convince the other members of the group that it is true. They will even search for the evidence to prove their point. This behavior becomes crushing and emotionally painful to the girl who is being ganged up on, as was the case with my daughter.

What can you do when your daughter confides in you enough to tell you what is going on? First, listen, and I mean listen well. Find out all the facts and please don’t react or condemn your daughter. Don’t say to her you better change your ways. If you are condemning her it’s a good chance that that’s the reason why she looking for connections to other people outside the family. The next thing is to love her to death with your actions and words. My comment to my daughter was, I like everything about you. I like how you talk and I like how you act. Help her understand that you are her biggest fan. Let her know that she doesn’t have to apologize for something that she truly believes she is not guilty of. I mean are these girls the only one with an opinion? Of course if she feels as if she has done something to offend someone realize the mistake, apologize, and move on.

Tell your daughter that long term relationships give everyone an opportunity to show their true colors. These relationships may be nice at first, but the longer that a person is in them the greater the chance that the true character of someone will pop up. That’s when a person has to decide if they want to stay friends with someone who is not a very loyal friend. Tell your daughter to stand tall, hold her head up, and don’t let them see you cry, and that you will be there to help her do all of these.

Adolescent relationships are a growth process. There is pain that can come from being hurt by a so called friend. Guess what by the time your daughter is 22 she will have the savvy to manage this type of crap and she won’t be emotionally immature when it comes down to relationships. All friendships are not intimate, and by that I mean a relationship that involves a person’s heart, mind, and soul. The relationships that your daughter has with someone in high school might be viewed by her as intimate, but it’s probably not as close as she thinks that it is. Relationships have a continuum that go from, acquaintance, friend, close friend, and then intimate friend. An intimate friend is usually someone that is a life long friend that can celebrate with you when your happy, support you when you are sad, and really love you for who you are.

By the way after I offered my daughter some of my wisdom, which took me two days to do, she said to me “I really love you dad,” and she was happier than I have seen her in a long while. When I was alone, I cried, yes I cried again. I am such a big baby.