I don’t think that there is any child who wouldn’t like to hear the words, “Your dad is a really nice guy” spoken about his or her father. Sometimes kids have a different view of their father than other people do, and it takes someone else to remind them that hey, my dad is an all right guy. Hearing those words from a teacher or from anyone of significance can change a child’s attitude about his/her father, build security, develop greater respect for the father, and motivate a child to work harder in school. 

My dad never went to many parent/teacher conferences. I remember a few when I was in elementary school that he attended and only one that he attended when I was in high school. The conference that he attended in high school was held during the day. I was home on a half day and I remember him telling me that he was headed up to the school to talk to my teachers. I must say I was a little nervous not because of any bad reports, but because I think as an adolescent boy I was always afraid of my father sticking his foot in his mouth and saying or doing something that would embarrass me. I was never concerned about how my father looked. He was always impeccably dressed. His starched shirts, perfectly tied tie, Hickey Freeman sports jacket, and diamond tie pin were all every day wear for my dad. He always looked great.

He came home from the conference and said very little to me. When I asked him what teachers he spoke with he went over them in the order that he saw them and let me know that they all had some good things to say about me as a person and as a student. We left it at that and I figured that all was well, and it was. I went to school the next day and went to my classes. I had a Spanish II class in the afternoon that was loaded with many of my friends that I hung around with. The teacher’s name was Mrs. Barrett, a young teacher that all the boys were crazy about. She lectured for about 10 minutes of the class, and then gave us some seat work for us to complete. She moved around the room to check our work and to make sure we were on task and doing the assignment. She came down my row, and stopped in back of my seat; she leaned down by my left ear and whispered the following comment, “Your dad is a really nice guy.” I looked up and nodded my head in appreciation. No one else heard what she said to me. I believe that she didn’t want to embarrass me in front of my buddies. Nothing else was said, the class ended and I went to my next class. One might think that this small statement was inconsequential, but it wasn’t, I still remember it to this day. I worked harder in her class after that than I did in my other classes and received an A for the course. I wanted to please her because of the opinion that she had of a very significant person in my life, my dad. I am now 53 years old and have 2 daughters Sarah and Grace. I still believe that the opinion that their teachers have of me is important to the success of my daughters. I also believe that how I present myself when I am out with my daughters is important. No, I don’t wear starched shirts every day, or perfectly tied tie or a sport coat when I am with my daughters. But, I do know that looking groomed and neat is something that is important to them. There is no doubt that our children feel good when they hear nice things about their dad. We just have to be sure that we live up to the billing in our own home. It doesn’t do us any good if the whole world thinks that we are patient and kind if we constantly blow our top and ridicule our children at home. As dads we have to be ready to present ourselves to others in a manner that will make our kids feel proud of who we are and proud that we are their dad. The words, “Your dad is a really nice guy” is a statement that that your children will carry with them for a lifetime and remember as they grow older. 

I am really dreading the weekend, because I have to work. Not that I don’t like my job. I really love what I do. I am an independent contractor who teaches graduate course in New Jersey, Pennsylvania, and Maryland. I travel a lot especially on weekends. The weekends are my time with my kids. Because I’m divorced I won’t be seeing them this weekend. It’s not so bad, I work about every other weekend, and some of the time I can drive home on Saturday to see them. I need the money and my daughters Sarah and Grace both understand this. I call them when I’m working just to let them know how much I love them. My emotions are an open book. I want them to know how I feel. When you are not with your kids let them know whatever you are doing that you would rather be with them. Let them know how your day is going, and ask them how their day is going as well. Speak to their heart and let them know that they are always on your mind and that you are always thinking of them.

A loving father can accept his children no matter what happens in their relationship. This is not easy. It’s hard. You have to be tolerant and show your love, regardless of dress, or as your kids get older individual differences. This doesn’t mean agreement that could be disastrous, it means that you allow your children to express themselves and not pass judgment. It doesn’t mean that you don’t speak up and express concern, when you feel as if your son/daughter is engaging in behavior that is unsafe or that creates a bad perception in the minds of others.  Divorced dads from time to time give up and don’t express themselves enough, and sometimes they allow things to go on that they might not agree with. Speak up but do so with a neutral tone in your voice that expresses concern not judgment.  

As a divorced dad you may spend limited amounts of time with your kids, and you want to be as positive as possible. Sometimes you can get out of balance and start showering your kids with all types of praise for every little thing, often your kids here so much of this that it becomes like white noise. Your kids know that you are their father and just based on that fact you are going to have nice things to say to them the question is do they believe what you are saying. Instead of praising your kids try affirming them. Think of words that describe your child’s positive traits and acknowledge them verbally or in writing. Some of the qualities that your child may exhibit are: ambition, cheerfulness, consideration, dependability, kindness, neatness, sensitivity, or enthusiasm. Theses are just a few, I am sure that you can come up with more. When you affirm their behavior be specific, and let them know how you feel when they display these positive qualities. It may feel weird at first but once you see the positive effect that these words have on your children it will become very natural to use them often.     

Have you hugged your kids today? I know that this is a phrase that has become popular but really have you? Divorced dads may not always be with their kids but affection can be displayed in conversation. Call you son/daughter up on the phone today and just say I love you. If they are with you hug them like you never have before. When your kids are with you be kind and considerate in all that you say and do.

One of the deepest needs of a person is the need to be appreciated. Our kids are no different. Show them today that you appreciate them. This doesn’t mean that you agree with everything they do, rather that you appreciate them as a person. They may act and think differently than you, try and value the differences. As time goes by they will realize that they can be themselves around you and seek you out for advice and guidance. Always remember that a father’s words do make a difference.

Your children need your undivided attention when they are with you. They don’t tell you that. They’re probably upset that they’re not getting your full attention, but they won’t say anything to you about it. You have to be sure that your children realize that your time and energy belongs to them when you are together. You can’t become preoccupied with your own problems, and you certainly don’t have the luxury of being depressed or down in the mouth when they are with you. If you’re a divorced dad you may only have a short period of time with your children. Make the most of the time, use it to strengthen your relationship with them. Be a good listener, plan a outing even if it’s just to McDonalds. Don’t talk about negative topics, and try not to talk about their mother.

Spend as much time with your kids as you can. Don’t wait for them to call you, call them and get together with them as often as you can. They will appreciate your consistency and will reward you as they get older.

Happy Thanksgiving Dad. Start a new tradition with your children. If your children spend Thanksgiving Day with their mother, then start your own Thanksgiving tradition where your children spend Thanksgiving Day with you on Friday. The ideal situation is to have a full Thanksgiving Day dinner at your house on Friday. Obviously this year you won’t have time to prepare a meal so take them out to dinner tomorrow to get your new tradition under way. Make it a point to tell them that you will be celebrating the holiday with them just the day after. Next year get your preparations under way on time so you can have your Thanksgiving meal on Friday. If you can invite family and friends to make it more festive.

Try to make a phone call to your children today. Even if you only stay on the phone for a minute, this lets them know that you are there and that you love them.