My daughter Sarah is going through the college application process and I came across this info on collegeboard.com. I think that it is worth a read.

All parents want to aid and protect their children. The best thing we can do for kids, though, is teach them how to help themselves. Read on for ways to help your child develop into a successful adult.

1. Encourage Public Speaking

Taking a speech class or joining the debate team can serve a number of purposes for teens. Developing the ability to stand up in front of a group and make themselves heard is key to boosting kids’ self-esteem as well as their communication skills. Learning the appropriate way to speak to a variety of audiences is also important, as high school students need to know how to address peers, teachers, and employers.

2. Practice Negotiation

High school students are looking for more freedom and independence. Rather than setting all the house rules, have a family planning session for rule setting. By involving kids in determining regulations, parents teach them the invaluable skills of fair compromise and negotiation with authority figures.

3. Model Time Management and Organizational Skills

Children learn from what they see. If parents are late and disorganized, their kids generally follow suit. Post a calendar that highlights individual and group appointments and plans. Use a weekly planner, and make to-do lists. In short, model being organized for your child.

4. Teach Self-Sufficiency

The more kids do for themselves, the more confident they’ll be when it comes to handling themselves in new situations. Show teens how to do laundry. Make them responsible for a family meal each week. Ultimately, this will make them more independent.

5. Encourage Independence at School

Teens need to take responsibility for their academic careers. They should be keeping track of assignments and due dates, communicating independently with counselors and teachers, and participating in the extracurricular activities of their choice. Clearly, parental advice is appropriate at times. However, teens appreciate room to succeed, or to make mistakes, on their own.

6. Listen With an Open Mind

Of course, kids sometimes disagree with their parents. Those who fear disapproval or punishment often hide the truth or avoid discussing important topics. Teens who are confident that they can talk to their parents without a major blow-up are more likely to be forthcoming. In the end, young people who feel good about expressing themselves at home will be more prepared to express themselves in difficult situations.

7. Provide Structure

Although they may bemoan the regulations of life, teens actually function better when rules are in place. Authoritative parents who require adherence to an agreed-upon set of rules, but who also encourage communication and independence, produce happy and successful kids.

8. Remember That Every Story Has Two Sides

When our kids come home with tales of woe, we need to keep in mind that we are hearing only one perspective. Before forming an opinion, get all the facts. Did the teacher really give only one day’s notice for a 10-page essay? Did the coach actually keep your child out of the game for no reason? When teens are frustrated or hurting, they may embellish the truth. Parents who know the facts can effectively help their children learn to respond to disappointing or difficult life scenarios.

9. Teach Self-Respect

When people feel good about themselves, they are able to stand up for themselves, and teenagers are no exception. Focus on helping your child develop good decision-making skills and solid self-esteem. Praise a job well done, and emphasize positive character traits. A confident child will not be afraid to speak up.

10. Teach Logical Conflict Resolution

High schoolers deal with many problems in the social and academic arenas. At a time in life when emotions run high, teens need some help figuring out how to resolve everyday dilemmas. Parents are a great resource for finding alternatives in problematic situations. Encourage and model thinking calmly and critically, so your kids learn to pick the solution that makes the most sense.

Part of being a good parent is knowing when to step in and when to give kids some space. Remember that successful people advocate for themselves. So step back when the time is right, and let your child step up.

Lou Dobbs said that he was sorry about calling Governor Eliot Spitzer an idiot. Sincerely. As for ripping the New York Democrat as arrogant, spineless and “a spoiled rich kid brat,” the host of CNN’s “Lou Dobbs Tonight” stands by those nationally broadcast broadsides.

Yeah, Eliot Spitzer was a rich kid, and that might have made him feel superior. Maybe his genius IQ made him feel superior and that’s why he turned out to be so self-righteous, so argumentative, and have an insatiable desire to prove that everyone is wrong and he was the only one who was right.

I do know that kids who are raised in environments where they are either always wrong, or always right end up having a faulty perception of themselves and the world around them. I also believe that permissive parenting can be at the root of many of the problems that we have in society today. Too often children are placed on such a high pedestal by their parents and then they become the king or queen of the household, and their parents believe they can do no wrong. Eventually they believe they can do no wrong.

In reality it’s the desire of the parents to give their children everything they want, because they love their children so much, and because it’s a way for people to express their love for their children, that can in the end create a very spoiled child. I also believe that giving all kinds of freedoms and all kinds of choices to children causes children to develop an absolute lack of self control in them which they will carry into their adult lives. This type of parenting has become endemic in our society today. It is typefied by parents who constantly rationalize with their children, try to cajole their children, but in the end allow them to decide almost everything for themselves. You will see young girls in elementary school wearing tank tops, and even sandals to school in the middle of the winter, you will see a mom making three different things for dinner, you will see you will see three siblings watching three different TV shows on three different TV’s because they all have chosen to watch something different, you will see children coming to school without their homework done, because their parents have allowed them to choose to do something other than their homework, you will see kids whining and screaming in a store, and the parent’s response is something like, “Honey, what do you want to do?” Don’t get me wrong. The parents are probably very well intentioned, but the end result of giving everything, every desire of your child’s heart, whether it is bought for them or allowed for them, will in the end produce an adult who thinks he or she can have anything and do anything.

Eliot Spitzer is rich and he got that way because of his parents. Some people believe that money can right all wrongs, and that it takes the place of good parenting. An Ivy League education doesn’t mean that you can say and do as you please. An Ivy League education means that you have an Ivy League Education. It means that you get an Ivy League job with all of the benefits and responsibilities that go along with it. Once you combine a millionaire mentality with the thoughts that your ideas are the only ideas, that’s when you produce an Eliot Spitzer, a spoiled rich kid who was placed on such a high pedestal by his parents that it created in him the belief that the world was all wrong and he was all right.

Eliot Spitzer rose up through the ranks as a lawyer, and became the New York State Attorney General. He was ultimately elected the Governor of the State of New York. But Eliot Spitzer did not know how to use his position of power for the good of the group. It turned out inside his head, his ego was raging, and he was almost becoming drunk on his power. From day one in the governor’s mansion, it became my way or the highway. Again, he acted like a spoiled brat.

Eliot Spitzer believed that he was above the law. He thought that he could get way with illegal and immoral acts because he was placed on the highest pedestal that the State of New York had to offer; the governorship. His position as governor and as a public figure required him to conduct his life as a model for all to see. And he looked the part. He had an Ivy League education, money, and a pretty good pedigree. We have learned though, that there was one crucial thing missing. Unfortunately he lacked the self control and the character to live up to the standards that the job demanded. I agree with Lou Dobbs. I agree that Eliot Spitzer is a spoiled, arrogant, spineless, rich kid brat, but I won’t apologize for stating that Eliot Spitzer is really a true idiot.

John Fiocco Jr., who was a freshman at The College of New Jersey two years ago, was last seen alive on March 25, 2006 in his dorm room after returning from an off-campus party where he was said to have been drinking.  Soon after, some of his blood was found on a trash compactor, and then police went to a landfill in Bucks County, PA to search for his body, which they subsequently found.  No final determination was ever made as to how this young man died- if it was a homicide or an accident.

Now, 2 years later, the boy’s parents have filed a wrongful death suit against the College of New Jersey alleging that the College was negligent in that the trash compacting system was not secured, which resulted in their son’s death.

I find it hard to understand how the college could be held liable for this young man’s death. There are laws that state that some things are an attractive nuisance, such as a swimming pool, and if someone falls in and drowns, the homeowners could be held liable. But, I fail to see how a trash compactor could be considered an attractive nuisance.  I empathize with the parents, and if my  daughter’s body were ever discovered in a landfill in Pennsylvania, that would be a living nightmare.  I just do not understand this lawsuit.  If this boy was murdered, then there is no way that the college could be negligent, because obviously the trash compactor had nothing to do with his death.  The compactor was just the means the killer used to dispose the body.  If the boy was alive and somehow wandered over to the trash compactor and fell into it accidentally, then what most likely caused his death was his own impaired judgment, possbily caused by his own drinking.  Suing the college for negligence seems to put the blame for this tragedy on the wrong party.

The drinking age is 21 years old in New Jersey. Now everyone know that college kids, and even high school kids are involved in underage drinking. This young man was drinking off campus, so the college certainly didn’t provide him with alcohol; he got it  and drank it on his own. Intoxicated people have been known to get lost, sleep on park benches, and have car accidents that kill themselves and others. If he drove his car into a telephone poll and got killed would the college be liable? Intoxicated people have a bad habit of always being somewhere that they shouldn’t be, and sometimes results in dire consequences.

If this young man’s death was an accident brought on by drinking, there is only one person responsible for this, as tragic as it might seem, and that is this young man. Just because a door is left open doesn’t mean that you have to walk through it. Kids are taught all the time to watch out for cars, to be careful when they are swimming in the ocean, to drive slowly, and surely not to drink and drive. Alcohol can numb the senses, and retard a person’s judgment. Unfortunately this young man may have walked through an open door that led to his death. Is the college to blame? I think not.

I do a show on blogtalkradio.com called The Dad Talk Zone almost every day at 4:30 pm EST. I have been talking about some of the more conservative and traditional parenting methods that were used 40 years ago. I’ve looked at the changes that have occurred in society and often wonder why anyone would want to become more liberal and permissive in the parenting of their children. The show is called “The Ramblings of a Dinosaur” which is the title of a new book that will be our sometime in the summer. The reason for the title is sometimes I feel like a dinosaur, a person whose ideas just don’t seem to fit anymore. I published several articles on my other blog behavioral-management.com about my upbringing and the conservative way that children were raised during the early sixties. I think they are worth republishing here just to give dads an idea that traditional and conservative approaches to parenting aren’t all bad.

HE WASN’T CHEAP, HE CARED

My parents owned a bar and from the time I can remember which was about four years old I spent my time sitting on a bar stool. Most kids were playing with their friends or some toys that they had I was always talking to strangers and playing with beer boxes. It did have its advantages, like as I got older I had a built in job and I really learned how to talk to adults. You always had to agree with them because you did not want to lose them as a customer. Always polite always considerate and never giving anyone a hard time, of course I learned how to curse like a sailor at a very young age and got a taste of beer when I was about ten years old. The place had its characters that were both humorous and sad at the same time. I always thought it was normal for a guy to spend 4 or 5 hours drinking at the end of a work day before they went home. Many times as I got older I would drive some guy home who was to drunk to drive. When I got him home I found out why he spent that amount of time in the bar after work, his wife was less than happy to see him when he got there not because he was drunk she just didn’t like the guy.

One of the things I loved as a kid was the fact that there was always cash around. I would ask my dad for a dime or a quarter and he would reach into the till and hand it over. One warm summer evening around 5 o’clock I asked my dad for a quarter and he said “no.” I asked again and he said “no.” I finally said “c’mon dad please.” He did not give in. I got as mad as an 11 year old could get and walked out passing four customers sitting at the bend in the bar right by the door and on my way out I said “CHEAP.” As soon as I said this I knew I was in trouble and I tried to think of words that sounded like cheap that I could use to try and convince him that he just heard wrong. Then I had to find a way to get back in without him seeing me. There was only one way in and that was through the bar. Well I rode my bike for a while and then decided to try and get passed the blockade. When I got back to the bar the bar was closed. The bar that was open 364 days a year was closed. He locked the door and made me knock to get in. I knocked on the door and he opened it. I asked him to hold the door open so I could bring in my bike. He stood there grabbed me by the arm and said to me “What did you say on the way out of here.” I told him I said “cheap.” The grip on my arm got tighter and he said to me “After all the nickels, dimes, and quarters I have given you call me cheap.” I said “sorry dad.” He then loosened his grip and told me to go upstairs. My dad took a break around 7o’clock for dinner and took a nap until 9 when he went back downstairs to work. Around 8:30 I learned the biggest lesson of my life. He called me into his bedroom and sat me down. My dad said to me “Do you know why I locked the door to the bar after you left.” I said “no.” He said to me “After you left the bar the four guys who heard what you said started talking about you and what an ungrateful and selfish kid you were, and I couldn’t take it. I had to put them out, I just got sick hearing them talk like this about my son.” My dad put those guys out in my defense and because of the ache he felt in his heart. My dad used my own stupidity as a time to teach me that I can’t say anything I want and he wanted me to understand that whether or not I think anybody else hears my comments doesn’t matter, somebody hears and starts to develop a perception of you as a person. I never forgot this lesson. You see all along I thought those guys would ride my dad on what a cheapskate they thought he was because he would not give me a quarter. I was so wrong. As I look at this story all I can think of is the way kids speak to their parents today at a younger age than I way when I called my dad cheap. Kids didn’t just wake up one day and decide that they were going to be rude to their parents. This has happened so slowly it was almost unrecognizable at first but now we ask “What are we going to do with these kids.” I named this essay “Cheap” because of how ironic it is that I called my father cheap in front of his customers when he truly was not cheap, and I ended up feeling cheap, and deservingly so, when my father was done with me. Even though it is cheap to sit a kid down and talk to him today the way my dad did, does anyone take the time to do it anymore?